Essay Pre Write

so what can I say about communities? I haven't known many. See the thing is when I leave I'm not really missed and yeah that can be kind of sad but at the same time its liberating. I think it reflects what people know about me, which is that I don't let go of things. even though I'm not with you your still in my heart good or bad and maybe it is something I should change but its a huge core part of what makes me who I am. its apart of who I am in a community. Maybe I'm not the guy always there or the guy that you can always count on but I am genuine and I am honest but I'm also not there. I guess finding a home is hard for me. Staying in one place always brings up bad wounds still bleeding. Its kind of a constant reminder of the now I don't want to live in. Everyday is a day I wake up working towards my dreams and quite frankly sometimes living in them. I still work hard to go forward for my dreams but in a community, sharing isn't always caring. come to think of it whenever I think of communities I have a negative thought to them. I think there have been maybe 2 or 3 communities where I really felt I belonged but even then it was hard. It seems its hard to be me in a group of people and that hurts but the pain fades away with friends and believe it or not I do make them. My friends are like my community and I guess we all share something that I never really thought of before. We are all ourselves, we present to each other our true personalities and try to unashamedly lay our problems out. There is a name for this, I know what community I belong to just not its name. The underground community? The new generation community? But no I want to break it down, I want to find a community where I truly belong because who I was may be the same but I'm not the same even with everything going around I keep my friends close. I guess to me belonging to a community or being missed never mattered because my communities appreciated my "grenade" personality. I want to write about my church though because of the community I felt there and the people I miss because I'm not there. On the other hand writing about year up also brings to mind alot of stuff I want to put down. Its just so much such a big choice; I can't make a choice that big. I can't answer the bigger question of "which community do I belong to" I just don't know.